Stay calm and avoid reacting in the moment
When someone is rude or unhelpful, the instinct is to snap back. Pause instead. A measured response keeps you in control and stops a one-off clash from becoming an ongoing feud that damages your own reputation.
Address it directly and privately
Talk to the person one to one rather than venting to the whole team. Describe the specific behaviour and its effect using “I” statements, which feel less like an attack and are harder to argue with.
Focus on behaviour, not character
- Say “When meeting notes arrive late, I miss the deadline,” not “You are disorganised.”
- Stick to facts and impact, not labels or motives you are guessing at.
- Ask for a concrete change rather than demanding they “be better.”
A script you can adapt
“Hey Chris, can we talk for a minute? When feedback
comes in after the deadline, I end up reworking the
page at the last minute and it gets stressful. Could
we agree to lock comments by Wednesday? That would
really help me plan.”Mistakes to avoid
- Gossiping about them. It spreads, gets back to them, and makes you look worse.
- Going to the manager first. Try a direct conversation before escalating.
- Letting it build up. Months of silent resentment explode badly; raise small issues early.
Frequently asked questions
When should I involve my manager or HR?
Escalate when a direct conversation has not worked, when the behaviour is harassment or discrimination, or when it is seriously affecting your work. Bring your documented examples with you.
What if the difficult coworker is my boss?
The same principles apply, but tread carefully: focus on the work impact, ask for clarity on expectations, and keep a private record of key conversations.
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